We know now that in the early years of the twentieth century this world was being watched closely by intelligences greater than man's. As human beings busied themselves about their various concerns with infinite complacence, they were scrutinized and studied, as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinize the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water.

You’ve reached Roy Gerbil’s voice mail, can't answer my phone,
I'll get back to you as soon as I’m situated at home...
Leave your name, number, annoying messages right after the tone.
Holy shit? Am I on?
Roy! Long time listener, first call-in!
East of the Rockies, on mean streets of East Alton.
Dino Allsman, open lines:
“Dammit, Shana!! Church van’s got satellites, that’s a police matter!!”
Police scanner set, forty seven megahertz.
With residents on red alert, whole neighborhood? Never learned.
Let ‘em spread the word:
Consolation Panasonics come with free home installation, courtesy of Alex Carbon.
Pardon?! $7.99 bargain!
Skippy’s simply armed with coded cordless for us in his city!
Fed tele committee? Hardly postmarked packaging.
Three words: Walmart. Barcodes. Batteries.
All store page insanity:
Attention Buyers, Zine 25, Don’t. Shop. Fred. Meyer!
Don’t cut that wire, don't touch that dial!
Once upon a time Carter logged on Safeway’s client.
So what pranks transpired?
Cue a butterfly effect: End result? Feds ruined Dingtember!
What a mess.
Operator, collect call do you accept?
From Chili Pepper Correctional, centered in New Mexico.
Let's go, head home, they'll never know!
Degenerates treasure trove stowed,
7-11 shoplift professionals…Sike!
Guess who booked a later flight?
Should’ve looked for better rides,
Shook awake to a surprise!
One foot over state lines, other firmly on the pulse,
Brad had yet to set rules, whatever learning that involved.
Now alerting every newer member sending him requests,
Go fill the P-L-Application out over the web.
Oakview apartments, YOU again!
The tenant who ripped plastic lining right inside your kitchen’s swimming pool?
Dripping through trapdoors? Cold wars?! Command missiles!?!?”
What about all these other issues?
Sink’s a fishbowl, toilets filled with fistfuls of fish food!
Will it flush Hu?
I don't think so!
Prove it quick though.
Still no!
Whirlpool, dirt floor, walls imbued with mildew!
Intruding through window sills, slipping,
flipping switches, reservoirs dripping with residues!
Living room sinkholes, I meant to message you today…
Airbnb sublettor’s renter’s rent’s been due for two days!
Ma'am! It’s apartment 7-2-D!
Bed bugs? Rescues? Snow melt? Roof leaks?
Wet carpets? Stuman’s in darkness!
It’s Tru Greens’ weekly blooming blue weed routine!
Electricity shooting from antenna tips
Illuminating space stations,
Lieutenant Pendleton’s waving overhead Pelican.
Microwaves melting m&ms,
Getting at their goats, forming like the Corps in metal pens.
Isolated isotopes, lasers aiming for their heads.
P.L.A has taken hold, trolling Tradio instead.
Patrolling every H.O.A directory directly from the source,
‘Til crystals in the toaster run their course.
Incandescent reports, selling LEDs.
Slamming go cups on floors, cact-eye cam feeds.
In defcon drive thrus:
Pigs are chasing me Warren!!! He flipped a bitch! I Ditched my methamphetamines!
Felonies, harassment, exorbitant problems.
SteveDave? Enormous prick, corporate office.
Hey! When the boss is gone, let's go set off lunk alarms!
Don't look my way, Sensei- Carol's in charge.
Send regards to prank call call centers,
Send regards to diversion services,
Hot tempered host who’s terrible, download Hobosodes,
Phone Losers of America - The Snow Plow Show.